Your child has been nagging and whining all morning, you keep giving what they beg for and more, anything to make them stop! The more you give the stronger the demands get, finally you put your foot down, enough is enough, and your child erupts into a full blown tantrum. You put him in a room to calm down and attempt to finally have your five minutes of peace. Trying to calm your nerves you make that cup of coffee and phone call you have been attempting to make all morning.
Things are quieting down in your son’s room and you are now revived and ready to go back to your son and reconnect. You open the door to his room and see he has dumped his entire dresser out on the floor and colored all over the walls. You want to scream “STOP” make him “stop” you run to your bathroom and burst into tears. You feel your 4 year old is out of control. All you want is to make him “STOP”, how do you make him stop?!Why is he doing this?
Mothers often blame themselves or fear there is something wrong with their child when misbehavior occurs. Misbehavior is actually a child’s language to communicate his needs. Listening to the message behind the behavior and facilitating that need will be more effective than any punishment. When a parent tries to abolish a behavior without listening to its message it is an invitation for more misbehavior. The child's message hasn't been heard and he will have to "scream" or misbehave louder! Even when a discipline tactic "seems to work", if you haven't listened to the message the behavior will manifest again or in another way as the child is trying to communicate his needs to you. Learn to listen to the message behind the behavior and the behavior will leave.The most common messages in misbehavior are due to Physical Needs, the need for Attention, and the need for Power.
It is important to note a child’s feeling of security, and low self-esteem will also affect their behavior.